I'm here in the town where I grew up, outside of San Francisco, dare I say it, a place worse than suburbia where yesterday I passed the headquarters of the Republican party (yikes) and where once stood one of our large supermarkets, now sits a dull parking lot without any cars.
I pass signs such as the one above advertising food. This is America, I remind myself. The photo below is of a 'greasy spoon' down the street from my house.
I am sipping on a mountain dew Slurpee, waiting to pick up a friend at the airport and escape to San Francisco.
I'm thinking about the movie I saw that my cousin brought over yesterday, of his 2 year old birthday party. It was weird seeing myself on screen as a child, my voice from long ago, foreign to me, funny even to see that I dominated him and the other kids (I was six years older), my nannying or motherly instinct prevalent at the time. I blew out his candles and wanted a piece of both cakes. My mother looked beautiful, stunning and and so skinny. My father didn't stop talking, his glasses proper 80s style. I never saw a home video of myself or my parents. We cannot go back.
I cannot go back.
I am restless.
This place is much different than I've known. I just have to get used to it I suppose, it will be OK, in time.
I wish for the new year to come. I think there is a consciences that 2009 wasn't the best year, a busy year yes, but a year of trials. I look forward to the tick of the clock when it passes into 2010 and I am anxious to see what unfolds in the year that is next upon us.
Photos found on flickr
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