I’ve been in a funny mood as of late.
It used to be sunny, well a week ago now, and I was happy and feeling life was new and fresh and there was opportunity.
Now it’s overcast, gray and raining and I am not a happy bunny at work.
I found out I am the lowest paid PA in my organisation (and I am pretty willing to take on any work that comes my way). Knowing this fact doesn’t help the mundane-ness routine of my day, nor my morale or confidence.
I lie awake at night dreaming of another life I could have or doing the shoulda coulda woulda ranting that I do so well. I replay my decisions about grad school, about not interning more, of not staying at my last job etc.
I guess I just miss home.
I had this sudden loneliness feeling a day or two ago where I felt so far away from everything. And I felt that some great hand had thrown out three beads, beads representing my little family, onto this vast earth and separated my mother and father from me, so far far away.
We live our choices, I say to myself.
I chose this.
I am feeling better although I see a quiet weekend ahead because of my diminishing bank account and because my mates are all busy. I just bought a ticket to Croatia (hence the loss of funds) for some fun in the sun so that has cheered me up. I also spoke to friends and my aunt back in America and I realised I just needed to reconnect. I have free calls to the states so I can and will spend hours catching up while my friend’s back home go about their business with their mobiles attached to their ear telling people, ‘I’ve got London on the phone’!
Each day is new.
PS A note on arts and flicks:
The movie Gommora was not that great, what was all the fuss about? But I saw one called Junebug, a bit slow, but I recommend it.
I also recommend the Almeida theatre in Angel, London. I just went to see a play, 'When the rain stops falling', and it was brilliant.